you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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