soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
