It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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