Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
