Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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