Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
