just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ttyl tear gas
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
