This girl is more easily done than said...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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