I think i peed on brittanys purse
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
