I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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