dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
