I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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