I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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