It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
