So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
