I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
