Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
