My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
40s are totally the cure
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
