First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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