i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
