I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
