do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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