I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
