I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
