the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
