I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
