Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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