May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
