I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
