what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
