Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
