Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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