I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
