fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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