Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this just has baby written all over it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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