I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
