dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
