let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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