i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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