You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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