I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
