Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
