I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
last night I used snow as a chaser
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
