This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
