i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
