You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
