Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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