I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
