If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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