Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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