I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
