But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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