I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
